In Saint Bingo We Trust (give or take)

My invisible friend Bingo not only adds color to one’s life, she adds colour. Because she’s kind and generous to most, even to those from terribly misguided countries that fail to raise their citizens to speak and spell proper English.

Granted, she has few flaws LIKE BEING A GODDAMN SAINT (albeit one with a herringbone past) but luckily for me she is funny as hell so I forgive her that.

Despite being a saint I am happy to report she’s not a martyr; were I officially in charge of judging those who exist in my space/time continuum, this would score major points from me.

So when she sends out a seemingly helpful email saying:

Just got out of the shower and wanted to give y’all a tip: don’t buy Dove® Go Fresh Beauty Body Wash with Waterlily and Fresh Mint. It is entirely too minty fresh for the more vulnerable areas of your body.”

my initial reaction is to say, “Ohhhhh, bless her heart! She’s trying to spare her buddies inflamed mucous membranes, not to mention possible UTIs and yeast infections! ” [Of course right after that I think dammit, there go any Dove Real Women modeling contracts.]

However, due to her life situation Bingo currently chooses not to partake in shenanigans with members of her preferred sex. And like most of us she is on a budget. So I find myself wondering:

Is this ye olde reverse psychology at work? Is she badmouthing a wonderful product so she can snap it up for pennies on the dollar? When I asked her to comment on my theory (so I could pad out this entry, duh) she sidestepped my question and instead elaborated on her experience:

in the shower I kept thinking it was like having vagina Mentadentata.”

Hmmmmmm, she does seem rather eager to keep the ladies away. J’ACCUSE, Bingo, j’accuse.