Sidestepping toward style [pt 3]

Lead-ups to this post: PreamblePt 1Pt 2

Once I decided to thumb my nose at the clothing market’s easy-but-WRONG-pickings and go off the grid for a dress, the waiting began.

In the proverbial Wildean triumph of hope over experience, I always remember that I am rabidly impatient and a fiend for instant gratification AFTER I commit to a project or path. Now I know one can ask a bear to pass up one’s flesh. And I know one can ask a project to stay on track. But sister, I also know that ain’t neither gonna happen, and my ridiculous optimism annoys me.

Once the whole nature/course hookup reaches a certain stage, it generally results in me pawing through the cupboard looking for teabags with Eastern quotations about detachment, which inevitably leads me to remember the old friend who said, in genuine non-mocking bewilderment:

You’re trying to be ‘Zen about it?’ But you’re the least Zen person I know!”


To go from clutched fabric sample to actual garment, I had to experience the cutest little obstacle course of timeline scheduling holdups and misbehaving fabric challenges plus a rather hellacious stretch lining experiment that left me looking like a stuffed sausage covered in teats.

But in the words of Poison:

Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn”

Happily, though, the Dress of a Thousand Nipples currently hangs in my closet. And what thread has joined let no body parts tear asunder.

No fancy camera set up, sorry!

The fabric tends to ripple with movement before sliding back into place...I like!

The fabric tends to ripple with movement, then slide back into place...I like!

My one-eyed fish look PLUS arty stripes!

How fun are these vintage crystal earrings? Singular here, yes]

How fun are these vintage crystal earrings...singular here, yes

As for the poor designer, who hadn’t anticipated QUITE as much trouble making up the pattern in stretch silk vs the jersey they were selling? Well, she stayed remarkably calm through a rather tedious process and emerged with a happy client.

I bet she reads a lot of teabag wrappers.

3 Responses

  1. I hate you. Not because you’re so fucking pretty in what turned out to be a beautiful dress, but because of that video. It was a thorn in the rose of this post.

  2. Oh, getting flashbacks to your backstage escapades with Bret, huh?

    [And thanks. One-eyed is my best look.]

  3. Well, from what I can see of the dress, it looks fabulous and so do you!
    If this is at all helpful for future purchases, I’ve had great success with amazingly comfortable faux-wrap-jersey dresses from Boden.

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