Marsee Bakery olive bread: It’s the pits!

Call me mind-blowingly optimistic, but when I buy a loaf of olive bread and see a “May contain olive pits” disclaimer, I assume that any “pits” will be pretty much pulverized. Because what commercial bakery would have a quality control process that allowed pits of any DISCERNABLE size to appear in the final product? Well, [...]

Is that platinum shoe cream in your pocket or are you just happy to see me

Who knew that the masses could get their hands on metallic and exotically colored shoe creams? I mean hell’s bells: until fairly recently I didn’t even know one should do preventive and after-the-barn-door business with shoe shops, let alone that one could legally purchase gumdrop-hued leather care products. Clearly there’s many a gap in my [...]

O how I love thee, Crest Advanced Seal Whitestrips

Even for me, this is a lowbrow post. BUT I DON’T CARE Part of being Ms Eileen’s guinea pig while she hones her portraits o’ people means seeing lots of very…unfortunate…shots of myself. Experimental lighting can only be blamed for so much, and sadly it can’t explain the lack of Tyra-Banks-approved FIERCENESS in frame after [...]

Canoodling With Cordovan

Since few things bring out my guilt-ridden materialism more than a pair of supple leather boots—blame my collapsed consciousness and my climate—I find myself wanting a clear taxonomic picture of where boots fall in the universe’s shoe hierarchy. Perhaps BECAUSE I’m primarily a non-shoe person, I wonder: if shoes are a Kingdom, are boots filed under [...]